webster on the web

Every once in a while, something comes across my Facebook page that tickles my funny bone so much that I need to share it with everyone. That’s especially true if that something has to do with my favorite pastime, writing.

More and more these days, Facebook, instant messaging and texting have replaced face-to-face — or even phone-to-phone —  conversations. As a result, people don’t have the benefit of facial and vocal expression to help convey nuances in meaning.  It’s difficult, for example, to express sarcasm with the written word.

Mike Trapp, at Collegehumor.com has come up with a very workable solution, which I think you will enjoy.  He has proposed the following series of new punctuation marks:

8 New Punctuation Marks We Desperately Need

When you work at a school, on the last day before an extended vacation it’s pretty much guaranteed that someone will ask you at least once, “So, are you doing anything over break?”  I actually got it twice yesterday.  And twice, I gave my standard answer: “I’m sleeping in.”

The response was calculated at least in part for comedic effect, but there’s also a lot of truth behind it.  One of the things I look forward to most when a February break or spring break rolls around is the luxury of turning off the alarm and sleeping as late as I want.  Sure, I take advantage of the week off to schedule appointments and meetings, but I make sure they’re late enough in the day so as not to disturb my sleeping in.

Not that we would be going anywhere this week anyway.  My husband the St. John Fisher prof doesn’t get his spring break for two more weeks.  And we really couldn’t swing the cost of a cruise right now, either.  More power to everyone else who’s heading to some beach, though. I understand that for some people, “getting away from it all” means taking a big plane or boat and — literally — getting far away.

Not me.  Just not being at work for a week is far enough away for me.  I don’t have to follow a schedule of any kind, I can stay in my pajamas until after lunch, eat junk food in front of the TV, crank my favorite tunes, work out when I feel like it and be a lazy bum when I don’t, write, read, sing, play, party…and then do it all again the next day.

Granted, my laissez-faire approach to February break wouldn’t fly if I still had kids home during the day.  Small children tend to have a complete disregard for the word “vacation” and persist with annoying habits like getting up early and asking for things like attention and breakfast.

I understand your pain. Been there, done that.  And I really understand your need to “get away from it all” by taking said young children to far away lands where costumed characters dwell.

Have fun. I’ll be thinking of you while I sit in front of Ellen in my robe and fuzzy slippers, eating bon-bons.

I didn’t think fast enough to get a photo of this, so you’re just going to have to believe me.

As I drove home from school today, the traffic was crawling down Five Mile Line Road, heading south towards Ridge Road. I surmised that cars were having trouble navigating the small hill just as Five Mile meets Ridge. Sure enough, as I neared the intersection, I saw exactly what I expected: cars sliding to and fro as their back tires tried to get a grip.

But I also saw something very unexpected. As the car in front of me struggled to get up the slight incline, a young man, wearing a light winter jacket and no gloves, walked behind the car and started to push it.  And he kept on pushing, for a good 30 seconds, until it was clear the car could continue on its own.

Then the man stepped to the side of Five Mile Line and waited for the the next car that needed a push.

Talk about paying it forward.  THIS is what Webster people are like.

Have you noticed the recent proliferation of those oval bumper stickers with the initials on them?

I’m sure you’ve seen them. They’re usually white with thick black borders and say things like “ADK,” “SLX,” “QKA” or “BHV.”  Most of the time you’ll see just one stuck to a bumper or window, but sometimes they travel in packs.  Like yesterday, as I was driving down Ridge Road, I was following a car that had stickers that said SOBX, WEB, NC, EI, SLX and LAX. (He must have been a collector.)

They’re all very confusing. I mean, with your regular rectangular bumper sticker, there’s no doubt where you stand. You’re proud of your honor student. You’ve conquered some mountain. You heart your shih tzu.  But I can only guess what “SOBX” means.  So what’s the purpose of putting a sticker on your car when YOU’RE the only one who knows what it means?

But these folks are obviously proud of SOMETHING, so I do my best to try to figure them out.  Mr. Collector, I have decided, is a very unhappily divorced computer programmer who lives in North Carolina, sells employment insurance and trousers on the side, and has recently flown to Los Angeles.

Now I have to admit that I, too, have one of these oval stickers on my car. It reads WOF, and fewer than fifty people in the world know its significance. And I’m OK with that, because it’s important to me and that’s all that matters. So I guess I can’t judge anyone else who has a fixation with these cryptic message stickers.

But I won’t be joining the Association for Silly Stickers anytime soon. And if I do, I will certainly NOT put their oval sticker on my car.